Small compliments, road to a lovable person

This is Birdie's 20th personal article

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I love communicating with sarcasm in my conversation, it brings fun, humour and uncertainty to my boring life. We can never expect what kind of sarcasm may come out from the person and most of the time can end up in a big laughter.

But the uncertainty also includes misunderstandings. Sometimes the person receiving the sarcasm may see a different thing than what you meant and that’s the time sarcasm need to stop.

While sarcasm is more of towards close friends whom are comfortable around you. Compliments acts the same role as sarcasm but towards acquaintances. When controlled at a good amount and used properly, it can greatly enhance the relationship between you and your friend.

-The Bird that is handicapped

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Woon is the first person I start talking to in the handball CCA. He is one of the strongest handballer in all the freshmen but he is very humble about it. Not only did he not put people down because he is better, but he gives lots of compliments to small and minor things we did well.

For example; a good pass to him, a good run without the ball or maybe just screening for him. He will compliment you and acknowledge your effort.

That’s also the reason why I started talking to him first, because he acknowledges my presence and compliments me for my effort. I only went to the training like 1 or 2 months after the other freshmen. So, I didn’t know anyone inside and I’m clueless about how to play the game.

However, with the help of Woon that had complimented me and introduced me to the other teammates. The other teammates also start to acknowledge me and make me feel much more connected to them as well. And eventually, it made me feel very bonded with some of the handball mates that played together with me.

The reason why Woon can have that power of influence in the team is very simple. Not because he is one of the strongest, but because everybody in the team likes him. He made himself lovable in the team through a very simple way. Complimenting others

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Since long time ago, during the age of our ancestors we can already see the power of complimenting. Especially in ancient China, a lot Chinese emperors fall because the evil servants are better at complimenting and the loyal ones are actually criticizing the emperor because they want the save the country. However, the emperor always choose to believe the evil servants because compliments are always a better melody to the brain.

Till now, we are still the same, we still prefer compliments than critics even if the critics are constructive. Because we want ourselves to feel good. Compliments are able to help us to achieve that kind of feeling, the feeling of you did something well and people acknowledges your hardwork.

However, with critics, it can’t achieve the same effect even if the critic is from a good will. Because critics will make the person feel that he didn’t do something good enough or didn’t make him feel as appreciated. This kind of satisfaction caused to the person would never give the same vibe as a compliment no matter how optimistic the person is.

But, complimenting before criticizing can help to a certain extent. By complimenting the person, you first give him the message that you acknowledge his hardwork and gave him the affirmation that he need. Then, you follow by the feedback you want to give him for him to improve. This will make the person to have a high acceptance of your feedback and more willing to act on it.

Just be careful that this way of giving feedback may also cause the person to feel overly contented and think that small point to improve might not matter that much. So, if you really want to bring something across, it’s better to say it upfront.

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Last point I want to bring across today is, be real on whatever you say. I bet you know some people that’s like hypocrites. They often are very nice and kind upfront, complimenting you and always show love in front of you. But after you turn around, they changed into the direct opposite.

I never understand why this kind of people do this kind of stuff. To me, I find it really meaningless to keep that mask on and maintain such a friendship because paper is never gonna cover the fire. One day when the ugly side is shown, a disaster will appear.

So, what I recommend here is to be real and genuine. Whenever you compliment or praise someone, really feel it from within yourself and you know that the person did a good job and then you deliver your compliment. However, this kind of compliments always comes in a sudden, it’s never meant to be fix at a certain timing or event. So no matter how small the compliment is, don’t be shy and just say it.

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It's your choice

To live in your dreams or to be living your dreams

-BirdieChao

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Today's article is really short because I didn't prepare much for this topic. I just suddenly feel like I sharing the power of small and little compliments because I found that my groupmates performances actually grew after I start complimenting on their work. So I just wrote a little bit on what I think about small and little praises. I hope this helps and make you start seeing the miracle of compliments.